Beached Whale Project

Gray Whale, Rodeo Beach, CA, June-October 2021

This male adult gray whale first washed ashore at Point Bonita, CA on May 28, 2021. It was struck by a ship. It washed back out to sea and rewashed ashore at Rodeo Beach on June 8. 

In 2021, 14 gray whales washed ashore in the Bay Area. There has been a spike in whale deaths in the Bay Area since 2019. Malnutrition, entanglement and trauma from ship strikes are the most common causes of death in the area according the Marine Mammal Center. 

How can we humans be so blind not to the nature around us — even to the biggest of beings? We have grown so divorced from nature and other beings around us. I believe this body was laid on the shore meant for us humans to see, spit out by the sea in such pink rawness, broken bones and gashes in the thickest of skin. 

The first photographs were taken on June 11, 2021 and I continued documenting the body periodically through October 2021. I returned again in November to find the body gone, likely washed out to sea in the big storm we had at the end of October. I felt deep sadness finding the body was gone from the shore, wanting more humans to witness its presence. I found comfort in witnessing the process of such a large body returning to the earth and water from which we came. These elements are passed from one being to another. We are all made up of all animals and nature who have come before us and we will be part of those who come after. It is rare that we get to witness the process of decay and return to the earth.  Here one could witness that process on such large scale. Pools of water on its back with new life forming inside. Pebbles, larger sea rocks, driftwood, and seaweed caught in its cavities. The sand like a heavy blanket over its tail. 

Before I had lung surgery in April 2020 to remove a cancerous tumor in my airways, I feared death, mainly I feared leaving my two boys Kaiyan and Liyan (then 6 and 3 years-old behind). It was the beginning of COVID, there was so much unknown. My doctors told me the worst place for me to be was in the hospital with compromised lungs, yet I was coughing blood and couldn’t breathe, and needed to have surgery soon. We decided to wait see if I could hold out on the surgery in hopes the situation with COVID would improve. During that waiting period, I lived every day like it was my last. One day, I went to the beach with my two sons and they buried my body in the sand up to my neck. They have buried me in the sand like this many times before and I thought nothing of it except the occasional urge to break free in the sand, but this time I felt immense comfort in being buried. Feeling the weight of the sand on top of me something shifted  — for the first time I felt ok with the idea of dying, comforted by being buried and covered in earth by loved ones. 

Five days later I begin coughing large amounts of blood again and my doctors decided I could not wait any longer and needed to have the lower right lobe of my lungs removed. I needed to take the risk. I am so grateful to have made it through and still be here and make the most of my time on this beautiful place. 

I find the way the earth brings light to, covers, holds, and takes us back in to be comforting.